What They Heard Might Not Be What You Said
Have you ever explained something to someone, only to have them do something completely different than what you wanted?
Maybe you assigned a project to a team member, explained a process, a deadline, or an expectation. And then the thing, whatever it was, didn't turn out as you expected?
Often, we make matters worse when, rather than recalling how we may have been as clear as mud, we assume the other person just wasn't paying attention or just didn’t prioritize our instructions.
Sometimes that's true. But not always.
Imagine telling your team member, "I'd like that report soon." To you, that meant ASAP. But what if your team member interpreted you to mean the end of the day? And another assumed the report was important but not urgent—anytime in the next day or two is fine. So, that’s what they do.
From your perspective, the report is late. But your team thinks they followed the instructions you gave. Yikes!
One of the easiest ways to improve communication is to be curious about what the other person heard.
Instead of asking, "Do you understand?"—face it, the answer is almost always "yes"—try asking:
- "What are your thoughts?"
- "How does that sound to you?"
- "What do you see as the next step?"
These questions provide an opportunity to uncover misunderstandings and also slow the conversation down so the other person has time to process what you’re asking for and whether they can deliver on it.
Heads up: when a message is not understood, repeating the exact same words is rarely the solution. I know that seems obvious, but it happens all the time! Instead, try a different explanation, example, or approach. The goal is not simply to say it again. The goal is to make the message clear.
Of course, communication is ultimately a shared responsibility. But communication has to start somewhere. Since YOU are the only person who knows exactly what you were trying to say, the responsibility falls to you to be clear.
What matters most isn't what you said—it's what they heard.